Ever since the day I know Cassandra, I can relate much of my own story with hers. We both have a dream. A dream to shine, to touch lives, to stir something deep down in hearts of many that has been lost, ignored and covered. To me, she is one amazing lady, one that dares to dream and express her dream despite doubts and objections.
Perhaps that’s because she’s young. Yet, isn’t that what many of us has lost along the way? Celebrating my 21st birthday this year, there are many things I wished I’ve done and can undo in my childhood and as a teenager. We’re hurt, disappointed by the past that easily entangles, and we’re afraid to move on.
I still remembered in one of the early practices when I broke down. It was one expressive scene. Coming from a controlling family that don’t allow much creative expression, it wasn’t easy for me at all, especially when the accusing voices haunted me and the image of rolling eyes and lips of disapprove flashed in my mind. My director told me this: Cassandra is not afraid! She’s firm about her own dream, and she’s going all out for it. I couldn’t help but ask myself, how often do I hold on and persevere for what I want? How much am I willing to sacrifice to achieve it?
Yet, she has doubts and fear too. She is not the kind of little bratty girl that only care about herself and her dream. She love and care about her family, and that’s why she struggle when her dream is not accepted by her loved ones. Perhaps that’s why many of us struggle too. It was also because of the misunderstanding in the family, that Cassandra start seeking elsewhere, and eventually fell into the trap that
It was funny that as the storyline progress and Cassandra doubting herself, I’m experiencing it in another way. It was during one of those busy, stressful times, when musical is drawing near and yet tests and assignments came unmercifully, that I start questioning myself, is it what I truly want? Or is it just a foolish fantasy? Many times there are voices that questioned and accused that I’m not doing it solely for God. Indeed, I have to admit that I’m often tempted to store up personal agenda, hoping for some ‘bonus’ even as I serve Him with the talents and passions He has given to me. Yet, Ai Wei shouldn’t be celebrated, not even Cassandra, but Jesus, through the stories of our life.
Somehow, for some sentimental reason, I wish Cassandra can live forever, but she never will. I wish the story will never end, but it eventually will. Yet, as the finale rounds up the play, when the curtain close and when the applause subsides, how different in person have I become? Where do I go from here?