My first train experience

1 Feb 2008

11.15 am
Settled down in a quiet corner in McD finally. Without my closest electric gadget beside me, I wondered for a moment what i should do to kill time. A middle aged man came to me, drawing me back from my thoughts. He asked for donation, showing some proofs and stuff. My mind flashed back to one conversation i had with my fren, kee aun regarding the issues of beggars. I never trust this kind of people, but for the very first time, I handed the man a few dollars. I don't care if his case is real or fake anymore. I don't care if i've just been conned.

Just how interesting to see how the same person thinks so differently after what she has experienced. I guess I am emotionally overwhelmed. I take out my personal notebook and start jotting down thoughts. Suddenly I'm grateful for the ability to scribble. I never realised how much difference can blank papers and a modest pen make to a person's life.

4.30 pm
My train came an hour ago. Well, it was supposed to come another hour earlier.

What actually happened was that i missed my bus this morning. It was a chartered bus, but the person-in-charge mistakenly thought that I've boarded the bus and set the bus out. My handphone battery was flat and I couldn't contact anyone for help. For once I felt so lost and alone. I start screening names of friends in my mind, but I don't know who to go to. Yes, I have friends, but perhaps what I hoped for is someone, just one, that can always be by my side, that I can fully rely on? Someone that can share my pain and worries, someone who will share my joy and dreams? i foolishly hoped that romance will be the answer, i naively waiting for a perfect man.

Yet, the Almighty One, the one that will always be by my side, the one that i can TRULY fully rely on, the one that see my pain and worries, rejoice with me and cherish my dream, sent help. I met friends who were on their way to shopping mall. As it was impossible to get bus ticket for today, I decided to take train instead. They came in as a great help by fetching me to KL sentral (and calming me down). That's how I get myself into an 7 hours journey.

7 hours?! Normal bus trip would just take a mere bearable 4 hours. 2 hours sleep, an hour of chat/reading and an hour of thinking + sightseeing. That's what I normally do when i take a bus back. But 7 hours! I wondered if i've ever been in a place as long as 7 hours. Perhaps humans needs to be forced to the end of the wall to decide to take a leap, perhaps we need to be rendered no choice to choose for the best.

The feeling in a train is very different from the one in the bus. The passengers are somehow different. Here, they walk around, either toilet break or to get a snack. Conversations are exchanged more naturally, and nobody seems to mind the others making some mild noises. As I am writing down these, the man besides me asks, 'Are you a writer?' Oh, i always like the image of a journalist... and I'm so tempted to lie once! :P Of course, I didn't. 'Well, i'm not. But it is a long journey! and it's a good setting to think.' He burst into laughter. Much later, he takes up a book and starts writing as well:)

People here make me feel belonged. To a community, to an allign of the same cause. The feeling of 'berat sama dipikul, ringan sama dijunjung'. We're all in this together.

I would say that the vibration i constantly feeling beneath me brings my heart and mind to a different... dimension (if this is a correct word to use) One word that makes me ponder is 'direction'. Where am i heading? Where is these wheels bringing me? I know i'm going home. But what's awaiting me at home? What's the first word my parents would say to me later when i arrived, now that i've make such a big mistake this morning and trouble them so much? i recalled my last holiday, the stuggles that comes with the good moments. Can i stand it again? Would i cope better this time, after the decision i've made before God? I'm afraid, but i need to face it. The destination is near.

6.30 pm
'tak sampai-sampai lagi...?' The kid beside me is getting restless. Isn't it the perfect dicpiction of how i often feel in my life journey, my walk with God? Often we're dissappointed, we doubt, we get bored. The journey is getting more and more tiring for me as time goes by. My battery is low again and i started worrying (and praying) again. Someone from my coach apparently just went out for a cigarettes and brings in the foul smell. Well, isn't life so? No matter how much u like the journey at first, time drains you out, time makes you doubt. It makes you wonder if u would ever reach the destination, or forever stuck in between. Worse still, things start to happen. You starts to encounter intimidating people, people whom you find difficult to love. You start doubting if God's still with you, you wonder if He'll keep His promise and lead you to the end.

8.00 pm
The train is experiencing some technical problems and stopped at taiping for around 20 mins. Now there's only a few of us in the train, as many left at the previous station. We're all so tired and almost dying, but i think theses feelings actually brought us closer. A group of men had their discussion at the back, while some choose to sleep. A pair of 3.5 yr old twins kids came over to play with me. I tell you what, they're so cheeky! They sat on my laps as if we're old friends, ask if they can draw on my notebooks (and i was so frightened when they almost draw on my written page!), if they can drink my 100 plus, if i can bring them to toilet... Hardly i see such stranger-friendly kids. Even though i have to be really watchful that they don't tear my book or spoil my pen or grab my thing to threaten me, i was really thrilled with their presence :)

Me, Tim boy and Terry boy

My train reach at 12.00 midnight sharp. More than 7 hours... but i love my first train experience :)

P/s: dedicating this to my frens, Rach, who taught me that every time can be made useful; and Ben, who inspired me to write my own train story.